Fighting the fug, one day at a time...

Day Three

Yeah! Big Brother's back! Sorry, but had to talk about that first, being an insane BB fan since series one. All women? I love it. No booze? I love it! Torture, pain, and agony suffered by others? Bring it on. The only thing I'm not loving are the twins. All that vacuous tripe coming out of pastel pink painted lips. In stereo. Lord, pass the paracetemol. Get those hos outta there.

Anyhoo, everything's going well. I've somehow managed to lose 4 pounds in two days, although I'm eating properly. Hmmm. I'm not complaining. It might have had something to do with the tremendous amounts of fruit I'm eating. I'm not going into any details- just going to say through the eye of a needle. Some of you in my non-existent audience will know EXACTLY what I mean.

I am still suffering from big time insomnia. I can't fall asleep before 2 am, despite going to bed hours earlier. I think it is the nicotine monster struggling to anchor itself within the recesses of my soul. Well that and the excitement of possibly wearing UK size 10 jeans in a month or two.

I'm off to the gym at lunch. The earlier in the day I do it, the less likely I'll be to talk myself out of it by 6pm. Mid-day workouts are always a pain in the arse, because you continue sweating when you get back to work, well through the afternoon. That shit sucks. But it's all about reclaiming the hotness, no?

Fighting the fug, one day at a time...

DAY ONE

Not one single photo in which I look under the age of 40. Yep, there’s the jowls. Jowls!!! I could, quite literally, start chsing Sylvester the Cat. My eyes look so puffy JLO would fuck them. A few weeks ago a makeup artist told me- true story- that my facial skin is a completely different tone than the rest of my body. And despite the husband’s kind reassurances it is obvious I’m a little chunky round the edges.

I didn’t used to look this way. Although I was always a bit quirky and unusual, I had no problems getting the men. Indy band groupie extraordinaire would be an accurate way of describing me in my heady youth.

Something’s happened in the past decade – I embraced decadence and started smoking all the time, drinking every day, and putting myself on these crazy diets. And only recently I’ve really noticed my body’s called in the debt. And the debt must have been huge, because the bailiffs have kicked the shit out of this place.

And that’s how I’ve ended up here. In invisible, 30-something woman land. And it’s not a pretty place to be. Literally. In fact, it sucks.

After a long weekend of rigorous and honest self-examination, I’ve made a big decision...a decision to reclaim the hotness.

Will I have unrealistic expectations? I don’t think so. I don’t want to look like I’m 20, I just want to look like a hot 35-year-old.

And so begins the process. I have to quit smoking, cut waaaay back on drinking, get my teeth white again, get my eyes back into non-puffy sockets, lose 15 pounds, figure out a better shade to dye my hair, get my facial skin from yellow to pink, and somehow manage to stay a remotely interesting person.

I started this blog for two reasons- so that I would have some accountability, and so that I may meet others who may be going through the same thing.

I QUIT SMOKING

Okay, this is the fifth (yes, fifth) time I have done this, but I’m REALLY going to make it this time. How do I know? Because I quit a few days earlier than my deadline. Inconceivable to some, yes, dangerous to others, of course, but I decided to do it early, and my body’s already reaping the rewards! Actually, no, it isn’t- my body woke me up at 3am this morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. A sign of excitement? Terror? Panic? Madness?

Right now the nicotine patch is slowly releasing its sweet sweet goodness and is well worth the constant stinging sensation.

I’m not looking forward to the cold I always get when I quit smoking. That bitch is a nightmare. That should be coming within a day or two.

DAY TWO

Okay, I'm a little antsy today. Been rubbing the nic patch for the past hour or so. Just for luck, mind. Won a battle of epic proportions - totally triumphed over our home beer keg last night by not drinking a drop.

Evening a bit more difficult- I've been so used to smoking and rinking with watching television. I've had to keep my hands busy, so I've been folding laundry, cleaning, etc. Bloody hell, I never realised how much I could get finished if not sitting on my arse all night doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, still watching tv, but multitasking, bitches! It's the future!