So I am finally back on track my luvvies. If there is one thing we can learn from Demi Moore (besides the surprising fact that children do not necessarily accurately represent the gene pool from which they originate), it is that despite age, you can take an ugly break and STILL reclaim hotness with a vengeance!
So consider me the Rambo of hotness. I’m going in, not taking any prisoners, and have difficulty with annunciation.
So I’m finding it much easier now that I am veganising it. I forgot how good it feels to eat vegan food. But I’m not really a vegan. I’m a flexitarian- so I eat dairy or meat in social situations where exclusively vegan food cannot be procured without royally pissing someone off. I know that’s like claiming to be a virgin while sleeping with people when they’ve bought you a lobster dinner, but that’s that. Shut up and stop judging!
Somehow I am getting up at 6:10 am every morning to work out on the cross trainer. I do it watching Jerry Springer. Makes the time go by fast, although I am constantly adjusting the volume between explanation-fight-yelling-fight-Jerry takes it down a notch-fight-scream. It sucks because the poles keep knocking my arm as I press the buttons on the remote.
I cannot decide if my Boots defy-the-ageing-moisturisers are working. Does it matter when the skin above the knees is sagging and therefore is a dead giveaway?
Tuesday 2 October 2007
Wednesday 11 July 2007
Fear my hotness...well, not really.
Nooooooo!!!! Except the smoking I have completely devestated all my work.
Can't stay motivated.
Normal blogging will resume once I can get off my lazy arse and get motivated...
Can't stay motivated.
Normal blogging will resume once I can get off my lazy arse and get motivated...
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Days 26-30 Chocolate covered strawberry, anyone?
Yum, I had loads of massive strawberries covered in an obscene amount of chocolate. What? It was dark chocolate, get off my case.
I haven't been to the gym in a week. It's probably down to sheer laziness. Although part of me wants to believe deep down that it is my immune system, begging from a break from constantly fighting the diseases circulating between the sweaty filthy not-washed-my-hands-after-using-the-toilets-ever 19 year old boys and the handles of every door and piece of gym equipment. I even fear using the water fountain. They're all whores with mouth sores. And I'm expected to share space? Yep, this sounds like self-preservation kicking in. That's my story and I am sticking to it.
I've been drinking a lot of bubbly lately. Too many things to celebrate. Damn, why did all this good stuff have to happen to me and my friends, all in the same week? Let's have some misery. Then I can stick with bread and water.
I haven't been to the gym in a week. It's probably down to sheer laziness. Although part of me wants to believe deep down that it is my immune system, begging from a break from constantly fighting the diseases circulating between the sweaty filthy not-washed-my-hands-after-using-the-toilets-ever 19 year old boys and the handles of every door and piece of gym equipment. I even fear using the water fountain. They're all whores with mouth sores. And I'm expected to share space? Yep, this sounds like self-preservation kicking in. That's my story and I am sticking to it.
I've been drinking a lot of bubbly lately. Too many things to celebrate. Damn, why did all this good stuff have to happen to me and my friends, all in the same week? Let's have some misery. Then I can stick with bread and water.
Friday 22 June 2007
Days 23-25 Hot town, summer in the city, but i insist on looking shitty
I have really been struggling this past couple of days. My body or is it what is left of my mind has randomly decided to try and undo all the good I have done over the past few weeks. Alcohol? Check. Bacon sandwiches? Check. Skipping the gym? Check. Ugh. Actually, the alcohol isn't out of control- I had half a bottle the other night. The problem is that when I drink alcohol my eyes get very puffy, so one night with a couple of glasses=channeling Baby Jane's face for a few days. And today I can barely keep my eyes open they are so puffy.
Arrggh!
Sabotage! Why am I doing this? Will be back later once I have found an answer...
Arrggh!
Sabotage! Why am I doing this? Will be back later once I have found an answer...
Tuesday 19 June 2007
Days 19-22 Please reclaim your hotness on carousel 3
Oh, man, I have been wrong. I mean really wrong. I'm a little eating machine, I am. I had a completely out of control last couple of days. I have run screaming from any chance of hotness. At least I haven't been drinking the past few days and I still haven't touched a ciggie. So there's a little hope.
I'm going to be an extra this evening in a gallery. A couple of us from work are going- it's a dating show. They are doing a reconstruction about two people who met in a gallery. We play the losers he wasn't attracted to. Hah! That should be fun. I'd better not have to stand in heels for hours just for some lame arse show.
What else? Not much. It's been fairly uneventful since the commish on Friday. Serious- even Sweaty hasn't been at the gym. Oh shit, have I turned into Sweaty's stalker now?
I'm going to be an extra this evening in a gallery. A couple of us from work are going- it's a dating show. They are doing a reconstruction about two people who met in a gallery. We play the losers he wasn't attracted to. Hah! That should be fun. I'd better not have to stand in heels for hours just for some lame arse show.
What else? Not much. It's been fairly uneventful since the commish on Friday. Serious- even Sweaty hasn't been at the gym. Oh shit, have I turned into Sweaty's stalker now?
Friday 15 June 2007
Days 17+18 Anyone got a sammich?
Well, I am sitting here ready to burst. We have just gotten a huge commission - about 10 minutes ago and I can't tell anyone yet. I wasn't supposed to know, but was in my boss' office when the department head honcho came in, slammed the door shut and screamed. Then he said how many episodes we got and how much money too. Damn, the relevant research team is waiting right over there. These are my friends and I can't tell them. So right now I am quite literally hiding behind my pc. I think Honcho has gone to get champagne. That's usually what happens with a commission.
I am pretty narked about Britain's Got Talent last night. The Michael Jackson scouser dancers were so awesome, I nearly cried. When they got on stage and started performing, I jumped up and shouted, 'oh, no they didn't do Thriller!' but they did. I was so freakin' happy- they were dressed like zombies from the late 18th century and the choreography was definitely influenced by Thriller, but was still completely new and unique. And they still ended up getting knocked out for the monkey guy. The monkey guy who last night totally sucked balls.
In better news, I left work early yesterday and went to the gym. I did that arm bicycle thing. That shit's tough. I managed 5 minutes. And that was really pushing it. About 90 seconds into it I was exhausted. Fooked. And there was a smelly guy sitting at the one next to me, which contributed to my willingness to give up so easily. Sweaty wasn't at the gym this time- probably because I was so early. Update on the gym machine calorie burning crisis from yesterday. I went onto the older cross training machine and my calorie burning rate went super-high again. So I'll be sticking with the older machine. Who needs modern technology?
My waist is tiny today. Well, tiny for me. I'm not exactly spanning it with my hands, but a small child would be able to put their arms around my waist and touch their hands together. Okay, maybe that metaphor isn't the best. What I meant to say was that a grown-up with small arms would be able to put them around my waist. Not a child. Please don't call Protective Services.
I am pretty narked about Britain's Got Talent last night. The Michael Jackson scouser dancers were so awesome, I nearly cried. When they got on stage and started performing, I jumped up and shouted, 'oh, no they didn't do Thriller!' but they did. I was so freakin' happy- they were dressed like zombies from the late 18th century and the choreography was definitely influenced by Thriller, but was still completely new and unique. And they still ended up getting knocked out for the monkey guy. The monkey guy who last night totally sucked balls.
In better news, I left work early yesterday and went to the gym. I did that arm bicycle thing. That shit's tough. I managed 5 minutes. And that was really pushing it. About 90 seconds into it I was exhausted. Fooked. And there was a smelly guy sitting at the one next to me, which contributed to my willingness to give up so easily. Sweaty wasn't at the gym this time- probably because I was so early. Update on the gym machine calorie burning crisis from yesterday. I went onto the older cross training machine and my calorie burning rate went super-high again. So I'll be sticking with the older machine. Who needs modern technology?
My waist is tiny today. Well, tiny for me. I'm not exactly spanning it with my hands, but a small child would be able to put their arms around my waist and touch their hands together. Okay, maybe that metaphor isn't the best. What I meant to say was that a grown-up with small arms would be able to put them around my waist. Not a child. Please don't call Protective Services.
Wednesday 13 June 2007
Day 16- Big mac fillet o' fish quarter pounder french fries...
Mmm. Been thinking a lot about junk food this morning. Which is scary because I know what they put in McNuggets. But they just taste so good. So I'm thinking about those joyous little bundles of white chickeny chemically-flavoured glue. Especially with bbq sauce.
On a better note, I bloody well forgot my gym towel last night, didn't I? So I'm in the changing rooms, looking in my bag for the towel, then the penny drops. I had a little Mick Jones moment- should I stay or should I go? I decided to be brave and workout in the oven/gym without a towel. That was interesting because I had to use their crappy paper towels. They are pointless and once they get wet they shred up. I didn't realise this of course until I saw myself in a mirror after working out on several machines. I had little bits of paper everywhere- I looked like my Grandad used to after a particularly clumsy shave (miss you Grandy). For some strange reason the boys left me alone. Can't figure out why. Sweaty wasn't there, and I have to say, I missed him a little bit. It's easy to develop a co-dependent relationship with your stalker, don't you find?
Oh, damn, had a minor set-back- well, okay it was devestating news at the gym. I've been entering in the wrong weight on the machines- about 20 pounds more than I really weigh- and only just realised. Don't blame me, it's all kilos over here. I hate metric. This sucks because according to the machines, the less you weigh, the more the calorie burn ratio decreases. No, plummets. No, muthafuckin' free-falls from 10,000 feet with no parachute. Here I thought I was all eye of the tiger burning 650-700 calories per workout. Hah! With the weight re-adjustment I am lucky to burn 350. No wonder skinny girls don't eat- they can't burn anything off at the gym. I guess if I was 115 pounds I'd have to work out for 2 hours to burn off a chip.
On a better note, I bloody well forgot my gym towel last night, didn't I? So I'm in the changing rooms, looking in my bag for the towel, then the penny drops. I had a little Mick Jones moment- should I stay or should I go? I decided to be brave and workout in the oven/gym without a towel. That was interesting because I had to use their crappy paper towels. They are pointless and once they get wet they shred up. I didn't realise this of course until I saw myself in a mirror after working out on several machines. I had little bits of paper everywhere- I looked like my Grandad used to after a particularly clumsy shave (miss you Grandy). For some strange reason the boys left me alone. Can't figure out why. Sweaty wasn't there, and I have to say, I missed him a little bit. It's easy to develop a co-dependent relationship with your stalker, don't you find?
Oh, damn, had a minor set-back- well, okay it was devestating news at the gym. I've been entering in the wrong weight on the machines- about 20 pounds more than I really weigh- and only just realised. Don't blame me, it's all kilos over here. I hate metric. This sucks because according to the machines, the less you weigh, the more the calorie burn ratio decreases. No, plummets. No, muthafuckin' free-falls from 10,000 feet with no parachute. Here I thought I was all eye of the tiger burning 650-700 calories per workout. Hah! With the weight re-adjustment I am lucky to burn 350. No wonder skinny girls don't eat- they can't burn anything off at the gym. I guess if I was 115 pounds I'd have to work out for 2 hours to burn off a chip.
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